Harry Potter Meets my Math Teacher
by FallenHero93
Summary: I've imagined how the HP series would look like if they had featured my math teacher instead. From "The Deathly Workbooks" to the philosopher's function and the evil Lord Vandermonde, join "John Doe" in his Harry Potter-based mathematical adventures!


**Author's note: Thank you for your comments and fave! I'm glad you liked it. I've replied to all those who reviewed or faved, except for opaline star () who submitted a (sort of) anonymous review. I'd like to do so now. "The boy who solved" - LOL! That will be his title from now on. Here, I named my math teacher John Doe since I think it's better for the readers to hear an English name rather than a Romanian one. Hey, I could also add that Lord Vandermonde destroyed his math textbooks when he was a kid! How cruel of him...Oh, and I love writing parodies, but this is the first time I write a fanfiction parody. I'll keep writing, relax!  
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**By the way, there might be an equivalent for that affectionate name (see paragraph 1) - it could be roughly translated to "little playful workbooks". Creepy, isn't it?**

How would the Harry Potter series have looked like...

...if it had featured my math teacher instead!

My math teacher is simply awesome. He's so hilarious! He loves maths and expects us to love it as well – but with his way of teaching, we couldn't care less (in fact, I'm one of the few

who does love his subject, but that's the general opinion). Some of his trademarks are: the leitmotif "famous" (the famous function, the famous Cauchy, the famous equation etc), the

affectionate name he calls his workbooks (it doesn't have an equivalent in English, though) or his belief that derivatives are the best thing since sliced bread. I've made lost of parodies

about him (well, he doesn't know about their existence), but this is the first time they're HP related. And now, let the reading begin!

Note. We shall call him "John Doe" for pretty obvious reasons. Have fun!

**1. John Doe and the Philosopher's Function **

John Doe finds out that he's a mathematician and he goes to highschool. There he finds out about the existence of the philosopher's function, created by an old matematician called

Dirichlet, which is said to give immortality to the one who manages to derive it. From now on a life and death battle begins in order to discover and derive this famous function. Graphs,

famous theorems and awesome proofs, only in "John Doe and the Philosoper's Function", an exceptional novel!

**2. John Doe and the Chamber of Torture **

John Doe's mathematical adventures go on! This time, in highschool there are rumours about the legend of the Chamber of Torture, which has been left behind by Weierstrass, one

of the four founders of the school. It's said that in this room there lives a merciless monster able to instantly destroy the math textbooks of those who look him in the eye. So, John Doe

goes in search of the room, hoping to destroy the monster and bring again happiness in the world of maths – but he also has to face the cruel Lord Vandermonde in the meanwhile...

**3. John Doe and the Prisoner of the Math Class **

The world of math is tormented again, this time by the escape of a dangerous student who had been imprisoned until then in the maximum security prison called Room 15. He had

been arrested a long time ago for skipping classes and lack of interest in math and had been classified as an „incurable loser". But the escapee seems to be on the trails of John Doe

himself...However, in the end John Doe learns that the accusations against the loser had been fake and that in fact he was a brilliant student of his with intense mathematical

preocuppations.

**4. John Doe and the Test of fire **

In his fourth highschool year, John Doe takes part in the Tri-Mathematician Tournament, the most famous competition in the world of maths. The purpose of the competition is to

determinate which highschool belongs to the first league of mathematics and the prize is a whole set of calculus textbooks. But to be able to enter the tournament, John Doe first has to

pass the Test of fire...and the threat of Lord Vandermonde as well, who wants to destroy the world of maths.

**5. John Doe and the Order of the Permutation **

Following his latest adventures, John Doe joins the Order of the Permutation, a mathematical organisation founded for fighting against Lord Vandermonde. In this same volume, John Doe

learns that, ironically, although he fights against mathematicians, he also once belonged to the first league. This year, the school is dominated by a Ministry representative who

mischievously wants to suppress the students' mathematical preocuppations. In the end, we also have an awesome battle between students and the Math Eaters, Vandermonde's loyal

followers.

**6. John Doe and the Half-Perimeter Prince **

In the 6th year, John Doe discovers that his algebra textbook once belonged to a so-called Half-Perimeter Prince, whose notes help him perfectly understand determinants. Just as he

was trying to write another matrix at the blackboard, the headmaster takes him on a trip to search for a group of magical objects called Computers, which Lord Vandermonde hopes to use to

undermine the world of mathematics.

**7. John Doe and the Deathly Workbooks **

John Doe manages to destroy all the Computers, but he finds out that in order to fully destroy Vandermonde, he has to burn down the highschool's whole stock of math workbooks. In the

end, John Doe makes the huge sacrifice and destroys the last Deathly Workbooks, and the evil Lord Vandermonde is destroyed, the world of maths thus beginning to thrive again.

Years later, John Doe becomes a highschool teacher himself, having as a personal motto spreading mathematical propaganda among young students.


End file.
